Wednesday, February 24, 2010

BitterNews for Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

• What a dull day. If you don’t believe me, consider our first post:
• Kirsten Dunst has found work in the wake of losing the role of Mary Jane Watson in Spider-man 4. She’s made a stupid music video of herself singing the Vapor’s 80’s hit “Turning Japanese” (a song about masturbation, BTW) with (bad) Director McG. One assumes that it, like his Terminator film, is full of plot holes, goes nowhere, will ruin any potential future enjoyment of the original version, and, as a bonus, has awful “singing”. We look forward to McG flying into an internet rage as soon as possible – maybe even after reading this post!
• In more important news, Sting, who we’ve always known was a giant fucking asshole, with a sense of self-entitlement and holier than thou attitude because he thinks no one in mid-America understands that Russians don’t want their kids to die any more than some parent from a flyover State or that it might be bad if all the rainforests dried up, has taken a million dollars to play a show for the daughter of the DICTATOR OF UZBEKISTAN, Islam Karimova. Look this fuckstick up and see what a humanitarian he is – and someone better tell Der Stingle what’s going on here, because he’ll surely want to renounce that act once he realizes that it’s not right to play vanity shows for guys who boil their enemies to death or drain the world’s natural resources for their own personal gain or conscript armies of children for slave labor. I bet Herr Sting is waiting for the report right now. Or maybe he's just counting his ill-gained dollars. If I was a betting man I'd go with the latter. Asshole.
• Next 3A figure is Little Shadow – sounds like a 1/6 fig, but full disclosure is not made yet. On sale March 19th, HK time, 18th in USA.
• Humvees will no longer be made. Considering what shitty vehicles they were (esp the H2), this is NO LOSS.
• The writer of the True Blood books, Charlaine Harris, will have her Harper Connelly series of books adapted by Dynamite.
• McFarlane is talking up Spawn 2 again, with himself as director. If he can’t find a studio to finance it (to the tune of $20 million) he’s threatening to fund it himself, which seems unlikely considering that his other businesses aren’t exactly rocking and rolling, and that McFarlane Toys has been for sale for the last ten years. But sure, Todd, keep dreaming.
• Mickey Rourke is being pursued for the role of Conan’s dad and some WWE wrestler tried out for the bad guy part. I can’t tell nay of them apart anymore, so let’s say it was Steroid P. Niss, and leave it at that.
• David Goyer will write the next Superman film.
• Many names in the hopper for the lead in Captain America, amid word hat Joe Johnston is already squabbling with Marvel over budgets. He won’t win that one. The number floated for the lead role in the film is a mere $300K with options for 9 (9!!) sequels (which I suppose includes Avengers films, etc). This means it’ll need to be someone young, probably from TV. John Krasinski from The Office is one name mentioned, but he’s already directing films, so it seems unlikely he’d take the role, although he’d probably be great.
• In ungodly holy hell please no news, George Lopez is looking to play the lead in a Speedy Gonzales movie. Maybe he can be the Frito Bandito next. Oh wait, the Frito Bandito is FUNNY.
• Matt Damon will star in an RFK biopic.
• iTunes sold their 10 billionth song today.
• Ray Davies of the Kinks wants to record with Metallica – and it might happen!
• Public Image Ltd will tour the US following their Coachella spot.
• Lindsay Lohan is moving to the UK. In related news, penicillin is being shipped to the land of boiled pizza at record rates. Lock up your todgers, gents and alert the bobbies!
• Looks like Zoolander 2 will become a reality.

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