BitterNews for Monday, March 29th, 2010

• Another day of nothing, except for a few late-breaking stories.
• Dreamworks stock DROPPED because it had the number one movie this weekend. Awesome!
• The Walking Dead TV series will air on AMC starting in October! 6 Episodes ordered. Yahoo!
• Action Comics #1 just sold for $1.5 million.
• Fuck Dunnys & Quees.
• Dick Giordano died over the weekend.
• Mark Millar is editing an issue of Wizard? Really?
• iTampon orders are moving back from street date, indicating that they’ll be in short supply initially. We are waiting for 3G anyway.
• Now the Doobie Brothers are suing EMI. The Doobie Brothers who released 2 or 3 way “post-hit” albums on EMI.
• Scott Weiland of STP and Velvet Revolver is seemingly back on the whatever. Will he die this time? Doubt it.
• Ricky Martin finally cops to being gay.
• Erykah Badu strips in her new video as desperation sets in.
• Robert Plant has reactivated his old band – Band Of Joy, his pre-Zep act.
• Glan Campbell is making his “farewell” record - sounds like it will be in the vein of the Johnny Cash American albums, with contributions from cult songwriters, including Westerberg and Pollard.
• The Galaxie 500 albums are reissued as two CD sets this week, but all the extra material was on other releases so as if their music wasn’t snoozy enough already, this is just the most boring reissue campaign ever.
• Great pics online of Lindsay Lohan with coke shoes!
• New Godzilla (American made) movie coming. In 3-D no doubt. Maybe they’ll bring Matthew Broderick back, but the goal is probably to make a good movie this time.

BitterNews for Friday, March 26th, 2010

• Thank god for music news or we’d have shit today.
• Hendrix Rock Band. Did you already know that? Zeppelin not far behind.
• Let There Be Rock, AC/DC’s classic early live film, is coming to DVD.
• Sony is still laying people off.
• Beyonce is knocked up.
• Prince owes half a million in taxes to the town of Chanhassen, MN, where his house and Paisley Park studios are located.
• Alessandra Ambrosio! Yay!
• Really, that’s it.

BitterNews for Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Once again, it’s a snooze fest.

• Fantagraphics is giving comic historian Rick Marschall his own imprint. His first book is “Drawing Power”, which will examine the use of comics in advertising. And that’s our first story of the day. Go back to bed.
• Robert Culp (I Spy) is dead.
• Les Humanoids, the biggest publisher in France is now publishing in the US, in the wake of failed deals with US publishers, including the Devils Due.
• Buck Rogers is now being directed by the only choice as bad as Frank Miller, Paul WS Anderson. Expect Frank to beg DC to print his Batman Jihad comic and to plead with anyone in earshot for Sin City 2.
• Rob Liefeld is bringing back his not-missed 90’s book, Brigade. Considering the lackluster reaction to the Youngblood relaunch, this will be DOA.
• Angela Basset will play Amanda Waller in Green Lantern. Is this a transparent attempt to recreate the Sam Jackson / Nick Fury buzz in DC films? Of course it is.
• CBS.com is prepping it’s website’s program archive to work with the iPad, the first major network to do so.
• EMI has won the battle to keep their lawsuit against Citibank in the US. The lawsuit alleges that Citibank withheld information about other bidders dropping out before Guy Hand’s Terra Firma placed its successful offer for the struggling label.
• The Foo Fighters are recording their new album in Dave Grohl’s garage.
• More sluts and road whores are popping up with evidence of Jessie James DNA all up in their shit. Apparently, James was banging some of these sperm receptacles IN HIS OFFICE WHILE SANDRA BULLOCK WAS AT THE “MONSTER GARAGE”.
• Grant Morrison is writing some endless adaptation of some painfully dull Indian epic, which will no doubt be incomprehensible and will not sell after the third issue. It will be published by Dynamite in conjunction with Liquid (formerly Virgin) Comics. Even Vertigo was smart enough to pass on the deranged baldy this time.
• Mel Brooks is writing music for the Blazing Saddles Broadway show.
• Here are your shit movies for tomorrow: How To Train Your Dragon, Chloe, Greenberg, the Bounty Hunter, and our pick for the week (although we’re not optimistic) Hot Tub Time Machine, which at least has a good cast.

BitterNews for Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

• Boy, there’s nothing going on.
• Literally. Nothing. As far as we can tell, Toyguru hasn’t even fucked anything up in the last 24 hours.
• So we’ll be reading new comics all day; here’s what we are looking forward to:
• POWER GIRL #10
• NEWSBOY LEGION BY SIMON AND KIRBY HC VOL 01
• BATMAN STREETS OF GOTHAM #10
• PHONOGRAM TP VOL 02 SINGLES CLUB
• DEADPOOL #21
• MARVELS PROJECT #7
• NEMESIS #1
• SPARROW HC VOL 15 PUSHEAD
• ART OF JAIME HERNANDEZ SECRETS OF LIFE & DEATH HC
• WACKY PACKAGES NEW NEW NEW HC
• See what we’re saying? This is the best stuff coming from Diamond today. Dark Horse & Image might as well not even exist and it feels like a Marvel skip-week, or at least a “Let’s dump all of our tenuously connected to Siege storyline books out this week” week. And DC sucks Donkey Balls lately, so for them to have any books of interest is a miracle.
• Hopefully tomorrow we’ll find out that Tiger Woods has been fucking Jesse James while OJ Simpson films and Jessica Simpson is on clean-up. Because I can’t handle another 24 hours this boring again.
• Here’s a picture of that hot Grace Park from that Battlestar Galactica program I know some of you used to beat off to. Oh, you still do?

BitterNews for Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

• Amanda Conner is taking on the Black Cat after her Power Girl run wraps in just a few issues. Looks great!
• The new Jackass film will be in 3-D. Giant Steve-O balls in your face.
• EMI is now trying to license its catalog to third parties in the USA for a period of 4-5 years. Do I smell desperation? Yes. Yes, I do.
• The MGM bid deadline was extended, but still no news on a winner. It’s doubtful there is one as the owners value the company beyond its assessed price.
• Chris Evans is Cap! We’re happy.
• The Punisher book is now called Franken-Castle, proving that, in the 616 universe, there is no Galactus.
• Hot Toys is doing Cosbabies for Iron Man 2 – and charcters include Nick Fury and the Black Widow. Hopefully these two will make it to 1:6 scale as well. Today the company revealed it’s 1:6 Whiplash, so we’re hoping.


• Looks like Tom Hanks’ Playtone films will maker the Green Day American Idiot movie.
• Marvel is soliciting a ton of premier hardcovers this month, going so far as to reprint the controversial Rawhide Kid series by Ron Zimmerman. I’ll buy it, but who else will? Also, there’s only one Masterworks this month (Amazing Spidey) and a lone Essentials (Captain America #5, which gets into the Kirby return to Marvel).
• A wimpy kid kicked Gerard Butler’s ass this weekend.
• Ratt’s drummer, Bobby Blotzer, is publishing his autobiography the same day that Ratt releases a new album. A whole book about how you made a career of drumming on one half-assed hair metal hit? Sounds like a paragraph, not a book.
• Bitterest Geek of the Year Award: Yes, we realize it’s only March, but we highly doubt anyone will top this; Ree Yees, I mean Lady Gaga’s ex-Boyfriend / Producer is suing her for over $30 million. He claims this is to compensate for all the work he did with her in “grooming” her for stardom (personally, I think she should be groomed by another monkey – they can find the insects that live on her, and they eat them, so no chemicals!). We think that he is due something for the services provided but the first $30 million is for having to admit to the world that he fucked that hideous, untalented freak.
• DC direct has released their upcoming products list, and as usual, most of it elicits a humongous yawn. There are a couple of highlights; a Superman VS Muhammad Ali statue, an Adam Hughes Batgirl statue, and a 1:6 movie Jonah Hex that is limited to 1000 pcs, which shows that not only have they realized these fucking things don’t sell, but that the movie probably blows. The rest is the usual assortment of Blackest Night figures, World of Warcraft stuff, an Under The Red Hood tie-in “maquette”, Ani-Come figs, girly busts and boring Tim Bruckner sculpts.
• DC is reissuing the Neal Adams Superman/Ali book in hardcover in two versions – one of which is in the original printed dimensions – in our opinion, the only way to see it.
• The James Jean Fables cover collection is being reprinted.
• There’s a Scott Pilgrim trailer that will be online in the next week or so.
• Lego has revealed six figures from their replacement for the Bionicle line, Hero Factory. In addition, two vehicles were revealed.
• Desperation in Amazon land: Amazon is releasing a version of the Kindle software for the iTampon. Because that makes sense.
• Mattel Fuck-Up Of The Day: I suppose this is technically the “Mattel-related Fuck-Up of the Day” as Mattel didn’t actually initiate this, but it’s laughable that they accepted it. They’ve been awarded one of the World’s Most Ethical Companies. Tell that to anyone trying to order Moss Man last week. But don’t feel bad, NAMBLA was just outside the top ten.
• Check out ghostofellie.com, a blog that is supposedly exposing dirty-dealings in the Frazetta family that may leave Frank’s art in the hands of the wrong peole.
• If you hate music, MGMT’s new album is streaming in it’s entirety.
• Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead has a classical piece – surely now their fans will realize how badly they suck.
• Avi Arad is planning a 3-D Popeye movie – because kids love Popeye! Kids who died in the 50’s, that is.
• Don’t buy the new Complex, as all the pictures of Olivia Munn are visible online. You could buy it if you want to read the interview. I’m a laugh a minute over here.
• Marvel/Miracleman is coming back into print via Marvel who will be releasing a hardcover called Marvelman Classic Primer – which sounds like a corporate version of the Two Morrows book of a few years ago. At the moment it does not appear that Alan Moore is involved. Reports are also leaking that Mick Anglo strips (pre-dating the Moore revival by many years) are coming in July. Uneducated fanboys will be underwhelmed by these primitive Captain Marvel rip-offs.

BitterNews for Thursday, March 18th, 2010

• Legendary singer/songwriter Alex Chilton died last night after complaining of feeling poorly. He was taken to the hospital and died shortly thereafter, apparently of a heart attack. Chilton, who fronted the chart-topping Box-Tops in his teens will probably be best remembered for his time in the seminal Big Star, a cult band that sold few records in their day. Their legend grew throughout the 70’s and 80’s until a full scale reassessment of their work was undertaken in the wake of a handful of reissues on Rykodisc, including an expanded version of their masterpiece “Third” and a collection of founder Chris Bell’s previously unreleased recordings. Chilton’s solo career was viewed with confusion by most critics and fans, but revealed an interest in obscure r&b and soul that was Chilton’s true passion. In 2006 Big Star released a new studio album (their first in 30 years) and played a few dates around the release, but did not undertake a full-scale tour. Big Star was due to play SXSW this weekend. It is not known if the other members of the band will perform a tribute show instead or if the gig is cancelled.
• 3A toys are releasing yet another variant exclusive – this time it’s a Tommy Mission Blood Nails exclusive from BBICN.com.
• IDW is now a Diamond Premier Publisher. This is the first time since Diamond launched the program that a Publisher has been added to the core group of Marvel, DC, Dark Horse & Image. The program allows IDW access to covers of Diamond Previews, front of catalog placement in same and other behind-the-scenes perks that are too boring to discuss here. IDW is currently Diamond’s #4 publisher, ahead of Image but behind Dark Horse. With their varied product line and their new status at Diamond, we expect IDW to surpass Dark Horse quickly.
• The character Rick Grimes from Walking Dead has been added to the lineup of Guardians of the Globe, Image’s new team book. I see a motorcycle getting ready to jump a shark tank and Robert Kirkman is driving it.
• NBC is filming a new reality show about comic book geeks – starting in London, ending at San Diego.
• Genius comedian / provocateur Chris Morris’ new movie trailer, Four Lions is now online. It’s a comedy that tells the story of four Islamic terrorists. The guy has balls the size of Mars.
• There’s going to be a Batman Beyond comic book mini-series.
• The Hobbit starts filming in June, per Gandalf.
• Amazon is ramping up their Kindle push in the face of the forthcoming iTampon. Just this week they offered a free Kindle software download and now they have released Kindle for Mac software. Not only does this appear desperate, it is like fighting a forest fire with a squirtgun. Apple will clearly get all the press and publicity for their products – it will be up to consumers to decide which product they prefer, and they will vote with their dollars. The Kindle campaign is telling about the faith Amazon has in its product vs the perception of the iPad.
• Sandra Bullock: Don’t marry a guy named Jesse James from a show called Monster Garage who has just broken up with a psycho porn star it might go bad. He might end up banging some tattooed dick pincushion who describes herself as an “Evil Cunt” with drawings all over her – just saying.
• It’s not looking good for “FlashForward” as the foreign markets where it is performing well are not coming to rescue the struggling show, and the showrunner just left. The fate of the show probably depends on ratings of the first few post-hiatus episodes.
• MGM final bids are due on Friday – I have some change in my pocket!
• And of course, today is San Diego hotel hell day. Good luck to all.

BitterNews for Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

Mattel Fuck-Up Of The Day: As expected it was today’s “sale” or, as we have come to know it at BG HQ, “when Nerds get their period.” Here are just a few of the sweet posts from “fans” found around the web:

* Q: Where is toy guru and his HORSE TEETH spin on todays sell out?
A: Stylin' and profilin' with the Horseman fatboy!

* Dam things are going form bad to worst on mattycollector.com.....

* I had a subscription and Digital River cancelled it without explanation, so I'm starting not to care. They should sell these at retail. I'm just tired of the problems.

* I didn't even bother today and it still sold out at 2 minutes? That's ridiculous. And giving everyone a heads-up that stock was small was just an invitation for the scalpers to recruit all their buddies to buy even more. Sometimes I wonder if you even want us to buy your product.

* System said in cart, but after pressing to go to cart it said it was empty. Digital River...U suck!

* The tax is BACK YET AGAIN! Matty. Please do something for this. This is the third time the 15% VAT on DIGITAL GOODS is being charged on ACTION FIGURES. Can't Digital River figure out yet that an action figure is NOT a Digital service? You already made this mistake twice, acknowledged that it is a mistake and refunded us. Please fix this issue and make sure it does not happen again. THANKS!

* We haven't gotten a response yet. I guess that means the staff at Mattel must be hiding with their heads up their a**es. I hope you enjoy the experience Matty, big crown and all.

* Comment on todays screw up. Not about deleting post. Dont hide behind your computer screen we know youre there.

* I never even had the wsod and had two of each Mossman and it said it was sold out and it waa only 12:03. I was on at 12 on the dot. Matty you got some explaining to due.

* I was all ready to buy my 1st MOTU figure with Moss Man and has expected was let down by Matty. This is the trifecta for me. JLU, DCUC and now MOTU.

* If Toyguru even mentions what a "success" this month was, I'll buy a flocked Moss Man off eBay just so I can beat him to death with it.

* Well, I wanted to report something good about my single Club Eternia monthly figure, but it seems that calling customer service twice, and adding two back up credit cards is not enough for mattel. For some reason I have been unable to persuade them not to use my old credit card. Now I have no Moss Man despite my subscription. What the hell is wrong with Digital River, and what the hell is wrong with Mattel? Please use the information available to you on my account! Thank you!

* I think I'm done with MOTUC. Never enough quantity to satisfy demand. Noon sale that last for 20 mins before sell out it ridiculous. Digital River sucks and cancelled my subscription without explanation & I will not pay markup on the secondary market. Matty, let me know when you're ready to sell your product directly to the consumer for more than a 20 min window.

* Matty, I have made a permanent decision to, after attempting to get April's Weapons Pak, and June's Faker re-issue, to drop MOTUC permanently. I'm sure my feelings are shared with thousands of other fellow collectors who Mattel has alienated with this particular line. I am also starting up my own Facebook group page to boycott MOTUC and Mattel's ass-backward decision-making skills. Oh, don't bother deleting me: as soon as I post this, I will leave this God-forsaken group, just like Mattel leaves customers hanging on or around the 15th of every month. Good riddance.

* HOW do they make marketing and production decisions at matty? Do they sit around a huge geek/nerd round table and decide that low production numbers and spinning "explanations" for fast sell outs is "good business?" I understand the whole "keep supply low to keep demand high" tactic,but when the supply is THIS low,it only results in a backlash that they OBVIOUSLY get off on.

* Im sure the Matty crew sit around the office the day of the sale and drink champagne when the figs sell out,while platitudly congratulating themselves,while laughing at their customers.

* Waaazzzupp ToyGuru, you go on wit yo bad self! A rolling fanboy gathers no Moss Man...

and if the complete failure of Mattel to address this problem didn’t get the nerds fired up enough, there’s this:

Ouch.

• Ferg is releasing his first 12” figure – the Playge Rat. The full figure hasn’t been revealed yet, but there are a few pics at Collect & Destroy.
• Bendis says the Spider-woman cancellation wasn’t due to sales – but sales did suck – the book went into freefall after the first issue.
• Kirby’s heirs have sued Marvel over character rights. They had previously served Marvel notice and Marvel responded by suing them. Even if Marvel is technically within their rights, it seems appalling that the Kirby Estate hasn’t seen royalties on ANYTHING – while Stan has had renumeration for years, even if it wasn’t in the form of royalties.
• Twilight GN is out today. One was listed on eBay last week and no one bought it. Does this cult really have the juice the media suggests it does?
• EMI has launched a new country label – smart move, as EMI Nashville is the only part of the company that consistently delivers hits.
• Ryan Adams has made a metal album called “Orion”. Sounds like a rock album to me, not really metal.
• Spencer Pratt has not only been replaced as Heidi Montag’s “manager” (like that’s a timesuck), but he’s been booted from the Hills for a few weeks. Great, can we forget about this turd in the punch bowl now?
• Michael Jackson got a 200 million dollar advance from Sony – the largest in music biz history. Of course this is just a publicity stunt, as Sony probably crossed the royalties with old material and the Estate is probably due nearly that amount in the wake of sales after his death.
• Kate Winslet …….snore
• Duke for Captain America? Ugh.
• Is it normal for this many earthquakes to happen in close proximity to each other?
• Willie Nelson is starting a film company. Who in their right mind is funding this? They plan to make 5 films a year!
• Longbox, the digital comics delivery service, has gone live.
• Japan & China have combined a copyright agreement.
• Thousands of jag-offs pissing away their company’s expense accounts on barbeque, booze and strippers. That’s all that’s happening there, though.

BitterNews for Monday, March 15th, 2010

• Mattel Fuck Up Of The Day:

“ Hey He-Fans,

So a quick word on production and ordering before Moss Man goes on sale tomorrow 3-15-10.

When we went into 2010 production on MOTUC, it was based on the number of subscribers we had for Club Eternia plus additional stock for “day of sale”. Because we had a lot more subscribers in 2010 vs. 2009, we were unsure just how many more “day of" buyers we would have above and beyond the subscribers. The last thing we wanted to do was over produce a figure so we went with a conservative number assuming most die hard fans subscribed for the year long deal. (that is what happened to the DCUC 2 packs and JLU 4 packs and notice there won't be any more of those for now).

Well the quick sell out of Adora and Trap Jaw have clearly shown that there are quite a lot of “day of” buyers out there beyond the Club Eternia subscribers. We have therefore increased production but the first figure we could increase was the June Figure, She-Ra.

So a special word on Moss Man. First off, he is already part of the same production quota range as Trap Jaw and Adora so we do expect a fast sell out. On top of that, because we made a running change to un flock the ears, the total production available for non subscribers is split between flocked and non flocked (all subscribers are getting non flocked ears BTW). So basically, if you want Moss Man, best bet is if you get him into your cart, BUY HIM!

We are working hard on reworking the system so that if a figure sells out while you have him in your cart and are shopping for other items you won’t have to go back and re-load your cart from scratch. But this upgrade is not in place yet. So out best advice, due to the very limited number of Moss Man figures to non subscribers, if this is the figure you want, the best bet is to buy him ASAP and not try to load up other items.

Now obviously we know customers want to combine items to save on shipping, so you don’t HAVE to follow this advice. But because in the case of Moss Man his total non subscription production is split due to two versions, we know he will go especially fast.

We are constantly working with Digital River to improve the buying process. You may still see the red waiting screen simply due to the huge number of people logging on at once (similar to buying concert tickets or other high end events). If you do miss out on figures, know that figures who sell out fast will most likely go into a second run (Trap Jaw, Adora and Battle Cat are already green lit for a second run down the road). So in time, your collection will still be complete.

Let us know how things are going and keep posting on my forums. Dedicated brand managers and digital media techs are standing by to read all of your comments and make any improvements we can!

Good luck tomorrow and see you in the toy aisles!

Matty”

• Hot Toys has revealed the prototype of War machine in full. Also coming up, Iron Man 2 bust and the Predators license (this is the new Predator film directed by Robert Rodriguez).
• 3A has fully revealed the Little Shadow figure. Looks like there may be 3 versions and the sale happens Wednesday if you’re in the USA.
• Hack/Slash is leaving financially troubled DDP for Image.
• Warners is talking to PE firms about breaking up the EMI assets after an expected summer sale.
• The Power Girl team is leaving after issue twelve. As will I.
• BOOM! Will be publishing Darkwing Duck – we assume these are not new stories, but translations of the Italian DD books that have been published for years.
• Slash claims he never played guitar on Michael Jackson’s “Black or White”, calling the hook “gay”.
• Spider-woman #7 will mercifully be the last issue.
• DC is planning LOSH rings.
• One of James Brown’s kids is claiming his body is missing. That’s what you get for leaving it out.
• This week is ComicCon lodging week. Hopefully it will be a smooth process, as it is supposed to be improved from previous years. This year, you’ll need to provide a list of TWELVE (!!!) hotel preferences.
• Variety reports that “Curb Your Enthusiasm” will likely be back for another season.
• Peter Graves died yesterday at 83.
• Killing Joke have postponed their new album and tour.
• Will Ferrell is starting a sitcom on Comedy Central – he will not star of course, and frankly, we expect it to be a disaster.
• Rush Limbaugh backpeddling on his claim that the hospital care he got in Hawaii during his latest OD now that he has learned Hawaii has Gov’t run healthcare.
• Fuck-Psycho Jennifer Love Hewitt has ditched Jamie Kennedy. Clearly any of us could be next. • “American: The Bill Hicks Story” premiered at SXSW this weekend.
• Here’s the horrible pile of crap DVD & Blu Ray product that will be released Tuesday: Princess & The Frog, Astro Boy, Fourth Kind, Ninja Assassin, South Park Season 13, Breaking Bad Season 2, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, MST3K 17, Monk Season 8. For all you fruity vampire fans, Twilight New Moon will be out this coming Saturday (?). Next week looks better.
• Powerfully weak music releases as well: Disco Biscuits, Drive By Truckers, Fred Schneider’s side project – the Superions, White Stripes live, Peter Wolf, Neon Trees and the Whigs. Again, next week looks better, although it has a Jane Krakowski album in it!
• That said, the Hoodoo Gurus have a new album out in Australia.
• In the UK, digital sales growth actually overtook physical CD decline for the first time. Is there hope that the music industry free-fall has leveled out? Of course not.
• Carol Clerk, great writer for UK mag Melody maker has died of cancer.
• ABBA will be inducted into RnR Hall Of Fame tonight. Rock writers across the US go apeshit. What did they expect? The awards are run by credibility bankrupt Jan Wenner, publisher of the abomination Rolling Stone.

BitterNews for Saturday, March 13th, 2010

* Mattel Fuck Up Of The Day: Here’s a note that Matty sent yesterday (emphasis ours), with Racist Robot’s 1st “Booshit” translation in red:

"Just a quick update on our sale Monday, March 15th. All products arrived yesterday at our warehouse so the sale will proceed as planned, with one small caveat. Under normal conditions, products ship within about 5 days of purchase or subscription renewal date. This hinges on the product getting to the warehouse in enough time for them to receive and properly process it, which is supposed to be at least two weeks before the sale date. Sometimes, circumstances beyond our control (like in this case) mean the warehouse doesn’t get the time it needs. They’re still hoping to get everything out in the 5 day window, but we need to allow for an extra day or two, just in case. "

Dayum – we fugged up agin! Can yous believe it? I cans! Shit be crazy bad and we ain’t even realize it until Friday befo’ da sale! We’s da biggest baddest toy company in the muthafuggin worl’, but we still ain’t be hearing our own 411 on how our shippinatin’ and ree-seevinamatin’ is comin’ down at our own fass-ill-itees! But hey, we's just warnin' yo dat dey MIGHT be prollums - cuz dat ain't never happen with our shit befo'! Oh, SNAP! You Nerds nevah be gettin' yo shit – WORD!

"You’ll know your order has shipped when you receive the shipment confirmation email (when it’s shipped, the confirmation is triggered), so don’t worry if you don’t get your shipping confirmation right away. Product normally leaves the warehouse within 5 days and we’re allowing an extra 2 just in case. If you don’t get the confirmation after 7 business days, then please do contact customer service."

Don't worry!? That be like tellin' a Haitian not to freak out if de erf start vibratin"!!! How many times you be fuckin' peeples ovah and expect 'em not to be freekin' da fuck out???!! Nerds be jittery all day Monday, not sleepin’ all week until dey hears from ‘ol man Digital Ribber, which ain’t nevuh happin, cuz Ribber be out shootin dice or sellin mad crack cuz they be stone pimps, but not so inerrested in shippin’ or custamuh soivice. DAYUM! Tired Nerds be WACK!!

"One other thing is that available quantities of most products are fairly low (beyond the subscriptions − those are all guaranteed), so we do expect a quick sellout on most items. Also, we know that with the volume of our sales you should expect to see the white “rate limiter” screen (similar to buying concert tickets). Please don’t panic − it’s there to keep the massive amounts of traffic flowing without crashing the servers. And definitely don’t hit refresh, or you’ll lose your place in the queue.”

JIBBITY FRIED CHICKINS! How dis be news?? Mattel still ain’t got makinatin’ togevver!?? Internet be on FIYO all day MONDEY CUZ A DIS SHIT! Nerds be goin’ MAD CRAZY! Servers be crashin', items be out of stock in like 5 minits or sumthin', hate be flying', facebook be crashin', peeples be gettin' kicked off da forums fer cursin' - an it all be dat ToyGooroo's faulty - he be too busy jackin’ he dick to his weak-ass Soopa Powaz shit to be makin’ attention on the here an’ now! Whut he care about da customer? He got his shit and he playin' with it right now, wif Julius Marx be gobblin' on his johnson! Them ol’ white people whut owns Mattels should be firin’ his pale white ass! But at leas’ Gooroo got da blamin’ game downs stone cold – it allus be summun else’s fault – you gots to remmemer dat when de PO-leese or yo’ Mamma be bustin’ on ya! Poysonally, I’s prefer to have summun else to blame - like my cuz Russel – ToyGooroo ain’t eben got da brainz to fabri-mo-cate a plozzible lie! WATTY-MELONS, BITCHES!

DISCLAIMER: Racist Robot** is not a Racist, inasmuch as he has no prejudices against any particular class, creed or color – but he is inherently a figure of Racism in that his mere existence (thanks Michael Bay!) shows that Racism still runs rampant and is unapologetically exploited for a dollar and a cent. What Racist Robot can’t stand however is bullshit, especially from the companies that manufacture the art and products we love (and the ones that suck, too!). Therefore, Racist Robot has been programmed to interpret Press Releases, quotes and other garbage passed from Corporations to Fans, and he’ll do it all, exclusively here on BitterGeeks!

** Please note that Racist Robot is an actual mass-produced toy that was sold in stores all over the world – based on a blatantly offensive character from the Transformers films. There was a minor hubbub at the time but it quickly blew over, although no one bothered to peel back the layers as we’ve done here, painting it to emphasize what an offensive caricature it is.

BitterNews for Friday, March 12th, 2010

• Mattel fuck-up of the day: Fans had to point out that Matty’s pricing on the upcoming 1:6 Peter Venkman Ghostbusters figure was wrong.
• Frank Miller has a website where he’s written about Brittany Murphy’s death. That’s a timely topic. It’ll be great to read about his frustration getting a directing gig after the abomination that was the Spirit.
• Hugo Weaving is the Red Skull. Is the Human Torch going to be Captain America?
• Hasbro is running a fan poll to determine the next bribe figure in the Digital Marvel Subscription plan. The choices are so weak, I cannot be bothered to click twice; Ms Marvel (Dark Avengers costume), Archangel (X-Force costume) or Norman Osbourne (HAMMER uniform). Yawn…
• Pre-order your iTampon today. The Apple store is live with these and delivery/pick-up is April 3rd for Wi-Fi and an unspecified date in late April for 3G version.
• Pink Floyd won their case against EMI, who were selling the bands tracks individually online. The court ruled that this violates a 1967 agreement that no tracks could be sold outside the context approved by Floyd. This just means that more consumers will steal the songs they want rather than be forced to pay for a whole album. So it’s a lose/lose.
• Our picture today is a teaser for the Hot Toys War Machine! YAHOO!

BitterNews for Thursday, March 11th, 2010

• Mattel Fuck Up Of The Day: Matty has decided to move the date of the April sale to April 19th. Hardly a big deal, but why is it so hard for them to figure this shit out in advance? Oh right, because they are idiots.
• Barnes & Noble had the same glitch as Amazon, although fewer titles were affected.
• Tomorrow’s new movies: She’s Out Of My League (“The funniest movie since ‘The Hangover’” – like that’s hard), Remember Me (Starring Robert Gay Vampire – will the tweens show up for this douche in a non-Edward role?), Green Zone (new Matt Damon film with good word of month).
• There’s a Japan-only (for now) Elvis Costello live album from 1978 coming in June. This is the much bootlegged Winterland show that was recorded within days of the just released Live At Hollywood High show.
• Wall Street 2 is on hold.
• The new Twilight trailer is online.
• The next Chipmunks movie will be in 3-D.
• Atari teenage Riot are reuniting. A nation yawns.
• The Amazon gold box deal of the day is the Futurama Bender head box set of DVDs at 50% + off.
• Comics legend Dick Giordano is in the hospital.
• Cougartown is the best prime-time comedy. There were more laughs before the intro last night than there are in the entirety of most half-hour comedies. And we love Community and 30 Rock too. But Cougartown is funnier.

BitterNews for Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

• Corey Haim is dead of an OD. Didn’t see that coming – oh, wait.
• Evan Rachel Wood has bolted the Spider-man musical. She was supposed to play Mary Jane, but now she’s playing Marilyn Manson’s jizz receptacle again. The product is now due to open in late summer / fall.
• The guy who attempted to extort Letterman copped today and got a six month sentence.
• 3A toys are announcing many more versions of WWR Dropcloth robot. No word on how they will be offered or where, but the crazy version with two meat cleavers sounds pretty awesome.
• The Tron Legacy trailer looks pretty hot.
• Mr Hurt Locker isn’t banging Jessica Simpson.
• Amazon has cancelled most of the GN orders that were placed this weekend. It appears the problem stemmed from Diamond. Almost all Diamond-distributed books are not for sale on Amazon right now, except for 3rd party sellers. So that’s more good news for financially troubled Steve Geppi.
• Sounds like Transformers 3 might show Cybertron!
• GI Joe: The Movie (the good cartoon, not the shitty live-action film) is coming back to DVD & now Blu-ray.
• Movie posters for The Losers and Kick-ass are showing up online.
• Rush Limbaugh said he’d move to Costa Rica if the US passes universal health care reform. Costa Rica, where they already have universal health care. Like every other country on earth. Except ours. But, by all means, go fat dude.
• Much hubbub about whether John Krasinski is still in running for role of Captain America, after Marvel leaked that he was their top choice.
• Rob Liefeld says he’ll travel to store that orders the most copies of Deadpool Corps #1. Better lower your orders!
• KISS has finally signed a deal for their long-promised TV show with E1, a Canadian Production co. No one knows the format, although Gene ha talked about an animated show for years. MMMMMmmmm… Canadian animation.
• Viggo Mortensen has taken over for Christoph Waltz in the new Cronenberg film, The Talking Cure.
• Diamond just shipped the Twilight manga a week ahead of street date, but hastily issued a request to retailers to not sell them in advance. That’ll happen – how many will be on eBay by end of day?
• If there are only 9 episodes of Lost left, they are going to need to pick up the pace if the ending is going to be satisfying.
• OK Go have left EMI after bitching that the label was trying to monetize their viral video plays. Good luck, marginally talented power pop one hit wonder! You’ll be eating microwave dinners in a year and working a day job in two. The State Fair circuit is only about ten years away.
• Pink Floyd is suing EMI for selling individual tracks online. According to the band, their contract stipulates that tracks must be sold in the album format (ie; bundled).
• In other swell music news, EMI must pay $160 million to Citibank by March 31st AND pass a solvency test (??) in order to keep Citibank from taking over the company. EMI is toast.
• Guns N Roses are filming their South American tour. It will probably never be released though.
• Creedence Clearwater Revival have found a film of them playing Royal Albert Hall 40 years ago – which they want to release on DVD. Due to their longoing issues with their old label, this may be unlikely – although the label has new owners who seem to have smoothed some issues.
• Sopranos creator David Chase is making a film about an upcoming 60’s rock band. I look forward to “That Thing You Do, But Not As Funny”.

BitterNews for Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

• Community, 30 Rock, Smallville & Fringe were all picked up for next season.
• There’s a Gilligan’s Island movie in development. In related news, my script for “Windex: The Movie” has just been picked up.
• Tim Burton and the Russian dude that did both Day- & Night- Watches are developing Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
• CD releases today: BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB-Beat The Devil's Tattoo, BROKEN BELLS-Broken Bells & Deluxe Box version too, BUNDLES (KIMYA DAWSON), CHIEFTAINS/COODER, RY-San Patricio & CD/DVD version too, FRIGHTENED RABBIT-Winter Of Mixed Drinks (gayest band name ever), GORILLAZ-Plastic Beach 3 versions before you get into vinyl, the HJIMI HENDRIX catalog is reissued again, including most albums as CD/DVD sets, and a new collection of previously (legally) unreleased tracks, Valleys Of Neptune, a long-overdue new JOAN JETT double Greatest Hits in time to cash in on the Runaways film, KIDZ IN THE HALL-Land Of Make Believe, LEO, TED-Brutalist Bricks, LUDACRIS-Battle Of The Sexes, PAVEMENT-Quarantine The Past: Best Of, IGGY POP -Anthology 2 CD Box that no one needs, JOSH ROUSE -El Turista, comics freak SERJ TANKIAN -Elect The Dead Symphony (& a CD/DVD version too)
• Betty White IS doing SNL.
• Fantagraphics will be publishing “art manga”. So it’ll still be incomprehensible, but this time won’t have anthromorphic people, aliens, witches, invisible creatures, intentional jokes, sports, or trading card tie-ins. Perhaps some people in their teens/twenties will be sad in it?
• Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine is scoring Iron Man 2. Ironic.
• Bad Religion is recording a live show to release as a free download to it’s fans. All you need to do is join the mailing list.
• Flaming Lips are making a new movie.
• Foo Fighters are making their next album with Producer Butch Vig, who also produced “Nevermind”.
• Of course, in an effort to continue infuriating his fans, Ashley Wood’s new 1:6 figure “Little Shadow” will be released in two version made available at Bambaland on March 18th or 19th depending on where you live on this globe, and a third (at least) version that will be sold randomly at no specific time. So good luck with that.