Yes, the monthly Matty suckage saga continues...time to get over it

Seriously, it's just a joke at this point and the monthly experience with these guys is like that old Bill Murray movie "Groundhog Day" where the same events and conversations occur over and over again.

Yes, it's true. Mattycollector.com, Toyguru aka Scott Neitlich, Mattel, Digital River, they all really suck at managing collector brands, executing distribution at the mass market retail level and providing any resemblance of an online ecommerce experience. Blah, Blah. And this isn't just our view at this point. Hell, one of Mattel's lead action figure lines brand managers, Scott Neitlich frequently will post and confirm these facts himself on their own Twitter, Facebook, forums and online Q&A responses all the time.

"Hey toy fans - heads up that once again you will likely find item "X' sold out before the sale barely begins!"

"Hey toy fans - We know we have site issues that make your purchasing experience painful monthly. It's only been going on monthly for a year but were working on it! It's our highest priority!"

"Hey toy fans - we understand you can't find any of the new figures at retail and that we keep shipping old stock instead. Totally the retailer's fault even though it's been a problem for over a year now. But it's our highest priority to fix!"

So here is the real lesson learned for all collectors, including us Geeks. The issues with Mattel aren't going to end anytime soon so just refuse to put yourself through the process. Look we understand a collector of a favorite toy line needs to keep buying the next new exclusive figure or wave. Guilty as charged! But we have to be patient. Not for Mattel to get their act together...that ain't going to happen anytime soon.

Screw trying to buy the next Master of the Universe figure on Matty's site. If you need to head to ebay for the figure, check out recent sold prices for recent releases. They all come down close to what you could have paid at retail including shipping. Not only that, Scott has confirmed both in words and actions that just about every new exclusive figure will be re-released again in a few months. And if you don't think the whole MOTU line isn't heading to Toys-R-Us soon as an exclusive brand, you'd be kidding yourselves. And when that happens, Mattel will re-release all the previously sold out characters again. Check it out...we've already seen Skeletor repackaged 4 times in the past year. An initial release online, second release online, new TRU two-pack with Lex Luthor and an upcoming San Diego Comic-con two-pack exclusive. It won't be too long now before the scalpers realize this line isn't going to be worth time and investment.

Another example? How about Mattel re-releasing DC Universe wave 5 online in May? The hardest to find series in the line to date will no longer be hard to find. Not only that, but there may be less and less DCU exclusives to purchase online anyway as Scott has already confirmed the following DC products do not sell well on the Matty store: JLU, DCU two-packs, DCU full waves. That would leave them with trying to sell singles soon begining with Plastic Man in August.

So we get it now. Thanks Mattel, lesson learned on our end. Until you can figure it all out, we'll wait our purchases out and perhaps give our money to the secondary market instead of putting ourselves through the pain and frustration of trying to give it directly to you.

BitterNews for Saturday, March 13th, 2010

* Mattel Fuck Up Of The Day: Here’s a note that Matty sent yesterday (emphasis ours), with Racist Robot’s 1st “Booshit” translation in red:

"Just a quick update on our sale Monday, March 15th. All products arrived yesterday at our warehouse so the sale will proceed as planned, with one small caveat. Under normal conditions, products ship within about 5 days of purchase or subscription renewal date. This hinges on the product getting to the warehouse in enough time for them to receive and properly process it, which is supposed to be at least two weeks before the sale date. Sometimes, circumstances beyond our control (like in this case) mean the warehouse doesn’t get the time it needs. They’re still hoping to get everything out in the 5 day window, but we need to allow for an extra day or two, just in case. "

Dayum – we fugged up agin! Can yous believe it? I cans! Shit be crazy bad and we ain’t even realize it until Friday befo’ da sale! We’s da biggest baddest toy company in the muthafuggin worl’, but we still ain’t be hearing our own 411 on how our shippinatin’ and ree-seevinamatin’ is comin’ down at our own fass-ill-itees! But hey, we's just warnin' yo dat dey MIGHT be prollums - cuz dat ain't never happen with our shit befo'! Oh, SNAP! You Nerds nevah be gettin' yo shit – WORD!

"You’ll know your order has shipped when you receive the shipment confirmation email (when it’s shipped, the confirmation is triggered), so don’t worry if you don’t get your shipping confirmation right away. Product normally leaves the warehouse within 5 days and we’re allowing an extra 2 just in case. If you don’t get the confirmation after 7 business days, then please do contact customer service."

Don't worry!? That be like tellin' a Haitian not to freak out if de erf start vibratin"!!! How many times you be fuckin' peeples ovah and expect 'em not to be freekin' da fuck out???!! Nerds be jittery all day Monday, not sleepin’ all week until dey hears from ‘ol man Digital Ribber, which ain’t nevuh happin, cuz Ribber be out shootin dice or sellin mad crack cuz they be stone pimps, but not so inerrested in shippin’ or custamuh soivice. DAYUM! Tired Nerds be WACK!!

"One other thing is that available quantities of most products are fairly low (beyond the subscriptions − those are all guaranteed), so we do expect a quick sellout on most items. Also, we know that with the volume of our sales you should expect to see the white “rate limiter” screen (similar to buying concert tickets). Please don’t panic − it’s there to keep the massive amounts of traffic flowing without crashing the servers. And definitely don’t hit refresh, or you’ll lose your place in the queue.”

JIBBITY FRIED CHICKINS! How dis be news?? Mattel still ain’t got makinatin’ togevver!?? Internet be on FIYO all day MONDEY CUZ A DIS SHIT! Nerds be goin’ MAD CRAZY! Servers be crashin', items be out of stock in like 5 minits or sumthin', hate be flying', facebook be crashin', peeples be gettin' kicked off da forums fer cursin' - an it all be dat ToyGooroo's faulty - he be too busy jackin’ he dick to his weak-ass Soopa Powaz shit to be makin’ attention on the here an’ now! Whut he care about da customer? He got his shit and he playin' with it right now, wif Julius Marx be gobblin' on his johnson! Them ol’ white people whut owns Mattels should be firin’ his pale white ass! But at leas’ Gooroo got da blamin’ game downs stone cold – it allus be summun else’s fault – you gots to remmemer dat when de PO-leese or yo’ Mamma be bustin’ on ya! Poysonally, I’s prefer to have summun else to blame - like my cuz Russel – ToyGooroo ain’t eben got da brainz to fabri-mo-cate a plozzible lie! WATTY-MELONS, BITCHES!

DISCLAIMER: Racist Robot** is not a Racist, inasmuch as he has no prejudices against any particular class, creed or color – but he is inherently a figure of Racism in that his mere existence (thanks Michael Bay!) shows that Racism still runs rampant and is unapologetically exploited for a dollar and a cent. What Racist Robot can’t stand however is bullshit, especially from the companies that manufacture the art and products we love (and the ones that suck, too!). Therefore, Racist Robot has been programmed to interpret Press Releases, quotes and other garbage passed from Corporations to Fans, and he’ll do it all, exclusively here on BitterGeeks!

** Please note that Racist Robot is an actual mass-produced toy that was sold in stores all over the world – based on a blatantly offensive character from the Transformers films. There was a minor hubbub at the time but it quickly blew over, although no one bothered to peel back the layers as we’ve done here, painting it to emphasize what an offensive caricature it is.

The internet ralies to beat on Mattel & Matty today

Mattycollector.com, Mattel's broken online retail site is getting the crap kicked out of it today by angry fanboys all over the web. On Facebook, in collector forums, on blogs and all over Twitter. Deservedly so. With the launch of several new exclusive products the site was once again overwhelmed and crashed, ran slow and was full of check out errors for everyone stupid enough to once again line up to get fucked by this madding monthly process. Us Bitter Geeks included.

From the minute it began, figures were reported sold out as you attempted to check out only to minutes later be in stock again. The list of errors go on but I don't care enough to list them all out.

Mattel contracts a Minnesota based ecommerce company named Digital River to run the tech of the site, distribution and handle customer service. To date, I don't know how Mattel's folks can say the partnership has been anything but a complete failure. A failure that is truly something to witness month after month. Like ecommerce is a new wonder for any firm to figure out how to execute. Two monkeys with a PC and a warehouse full of toys could do a better job.

And since this is the week of the New York Toy Fair, we've all been watching Mattel's Toyguru bask in the glory of showcasing new 2010 Matty.com exclusives that we all get the pleasure of suffering to obtain at least every month as long as this shitty website is utilized by these jokers.

We've posted this before but it needs to be said again: "Hey Mattel & Toyguru! Stop showing off new product when your priority is fixing a broken retail process and website!"

I would not let Scott and his teams even talk about new toys until this problem was completely and permanently resolved.

DC Universe Classics 11 & Flight Stand Review

While still in the process of writing 2000 other pieces, two DCU 11 sets arrived today and I wanted address this new wave quickly.

I’m not going to litter this piece with pictures – with a simple Google search you can find plenty of pictures better than anything I can be bothered to take. The one picture here is meant to illustrate the lameness of both the figure and “flight” stand.

After 10 previous waves and many box sets, lots of the same problems that have plagued this line since day one are still present:

1) the ball-jointed neck that doesn’t look up or down
2) the generic nature of the sculpts
3) the blocky ankles that make the flight poses look awkward because the lines of the body don’t look natural.
4) ill-advised love affair with Super Powers
5) Stupid T-crotch
6) Ugly & obvious thigh cut
7) It's called ENGINEERING

Hopefully the shifting of ToyGuru to the GL movie line will result in a fresh set of eyes that will save DCUC from extinction and rectify the stupid shit ToyGuru has failed to fix over the past few years. For example, this wave is not exactly packed with A-listers. Here’s what you get:

Katma Tui: Both of mine have paint issues as does John Stewart. Oddly, the issue is on pieces that are molded in solid green plastic but are both painted solid black – which is not only a waste of paint, but also an unneeded application. The female body sucks. The arms are too spindly. In this case the head is also huge, which adds to the disproportionate look of the figure overall. By the way, FIRST TIME IN SIX INCH!!!!!! "Oh mommy, can I get it? This character I've never heard of has finally been made as a six-inch figure!! The power of lazy meaningless marketing compels me!"

John Stewart: Yawn, although the accessories (detachable Lantern fist & gun) are nice, especially as there are hardly any accessories in this line (another issue that should be fixed). Same paint issues as Katma.

Steppenwolf: There are two versions, the comic version and the Super Powers version. Again, a D-lister. Execution is fine, but they will rot on shelves. No one under 40 knows either version. Even in the 80’s Kenner knew this character needed to be a mail-order figure. Twenty + years later, neither new version comes with a C&C piece – the lack of which would normally make him the least desirable figure in the Wave, but ToyGuru has dug deep and found a less appealing character. Who is less sellable than Stepenwolf? Welcome…..

Shark: Hello peg-warmer! This ugly execution of an interesting character design is completely ruined by the connection of the head to the neck. Also, kids don't buy characters in shiny pink jumpsuits. If you can’t execute properly, why bother with this D-lister? Please note there are running changes with this figure including a cute “Bubbly-Bubble” and a revision to the paint job that eliminates the pupils.

The Question: This is the fan poll winner (according to the sticker on the package – as if that will drive sales in any way). Thin arms and a rubber overcoat restricts movement to such a degree that much of the articulation is compromised. Hands are sculpted to hold guns that aren't included. yay.

Deadman: Horrible headsculpt and once again, the thin, spindly body looks wrong. Thin, yes. Monkey arms, no. I thought they were going for classic looks in this line.

Cyborg Superman: Fine, but again, articulation is unnecessarily compromised.

Kilowog: Here’s your C&C figure; nice except there’s an issue with either the T-crotch being too large or the range of motion in the hip joints are too limited, but regardless of the cause, the legs & crotch don’t fit together well. This means that even with the side swivel ankle joints, Kilowog’s legs can’t move close enough together to get his feet flat on the ground, making this top-heavy figure ready to fall over if a gnat farts in the next room.

OVERALL: As usual the C&C fig is pretty good, although this one has a huge flaw that is impossible to overlook. The case ships with more Flash, Batman and Superman reissues. So the new figures are two marginal Lanterns (& one from second-tier), a Superman variant, and the others are basically unknown or unexciting to anyone except hardcore DC fans. This line is being brand managed out of existence.

And while I’m shitting on Mattel, you’ll notice the pic of Deadman in the “flight” stand. These were sold on the Matty website, at the outrageous price of $12 for three (!). I was surprised to see these are made from the same crappy plastic as your mom’s old Tupperware (she brought me a slice of apple pie in it after I did her in your old bedroom). It’s translucent, not clear, so the illusion of flight it’s supposed to simulate is lost. Also, as you can see, the stand isn’t very high, so in the case of Deadman, you can’t even have him hovering in the air, because his TOES TOUCH THE GROUND. It looks like he’s practicing ballet. And come to think of it, that’s the face I’d make if I had to walk around on my toes. So in case you were wondering where I’m going with this, these stands are overpriced, badly-conceived pieces of shit that should be avoided at all costs.

Mattel's Matty Mego Misfire

Straight from Mattycollector.com, I received the first in a new line by Matty and company: The 1970s Mego 8" Super-Hero knock off, the Green Arrow. Or 'Retro-Action Super Heroes' as they calls 'em now. Mattel's Toyguru and his DC Universe team were oh-so-proud of launching this retro knock off when the line was unveiled during the 2009 San Diego Comic-con.

We should have known better...this launch is the next in an ever growing list of mis-fires by this incompetent group. Oh, we know now that Toyguru has moved on within the ranks of Mattel and he will no longer be mis-managing the the DCU brand but as this figure shows, his legacy will linger on at least until 2011.

It's not so much the figure itself we dislike. As usual for this group it comes down to shitty execution. Look, the retro idea seems ok for what it is but both Toy Biz and Hasbro (Twice) have played with this retro Mego idea. Twice in the 1990s ('Famous Covers' for TB and 'DC Super Stars' for H) and once in the past decade (Spider-Man Origins). Every time, no matter how they were produced or marketed, these lines just could not connect with today's collectors. Eight inch male dolls with cloth outfits just don't work anymore. Not even on some small scale collector level. Period. The only potential collectors of Mego are well over the age of 40 at this point. If they really want to have a Mego figure in their collection, they generally have the income to go buy originals. The originals are, of course, quite pricey at this point but that only adds to the desire to own vintage toys from one's own childhood. It's a simple proven fact that any major toy company that attempts to cultivate a new collector line based upon ideas in the Mego-like realm is in for major disappointment.

So here we are with Toyguru's dream of remaking the World's Greatest Super-Heroes. And here's the big launch with DC Comic's Green Arrow on a blister card that is also supposed to be a reproduction of the kind of packaging the originals were sold within. So imagine my shock when I see how piss-poor the packaging quality of the actual sample turned out. The card itself is flimsy and warped within the outer white box package. Great. Thanks for selling a warped collector toy on a collector retail site to a collector. We love that.

The real shock here is the absolute shoddy printing across the front and back of this blister card. The colors bleed into one another and it's all blotchy. For fuck's sake, no one proofed the final packaging? A team of brand managers and artists working at one of the world's major toy companies couldn't see this or correct before it went into production and shipped all the way over from China? Inexcusable. And don't try to tell us it's fucked up on purpose and is in keeping with some retro/vintage, shelf worn look they were actually striving for. I've bought and sold plenty of the real thing before. Hell, the other Bittergeek on this blog has a collection of the real deal and be hard pressed to find any in his carded Mego collection that look anywhere close to this shitty.

What a crappy launch. My first and last purchase of Mattel's Retro Hero line. Can't wait until Matty starts begging in posts online for collectors to purchase more and support the line.

We'll let the photos take over now and speak for themselves. Click for a closer look. I gotta go dump this turd on ebay before others figure it out.