BitterNews for Monday, March 29th, 2010

• Another day of nothing, except for a few late-breaking stories.
• Dreamworks stock DROPPED because it had the number one movie this weekend. Awesome!
• The Walking Dead TV series will air on AMC starting in October! 6 Episodes ordered. Yahoo!
• Action Comics #1 just sold for $1.5 million.
• Fuck Dunnys & Quees.
• Dick Giordano died over the weekend.
• Mark Millar is editing an issue of Wizard? Really?
• iTampon orders are moving back from street date, indicating that they’ll be in short supply initially. We are waiting for 3G anyway.
• Now the Doobie Brothers are suing EMI. The Doobie Brothers who released 2 or 3 way “post-hit” albums on EMI.
• Scott Weiland of STP and Velvet Revolver is seemingly back on the whatever. Will he die this time? Doubt it.
• Ricky Martin finally cops to being gay.
• Erykah Badu strips in her new video as desperation sets in.
• Robert Plant has reactivated his old band – Band Of Joy, his pre-Zep act.
• Glan Campbell is making his “farewell” record - sounds like it will be in the vein of the Johnny Cash American albums, with contributions from cult songwriters, including Westerberg and Pollard.
• The Galaxie 500 albums are reissued as two CD sets this week, but all the extra material was on other releases so as if their music wasn’t snoozy enough already, this is just the most boring reissue campaign ever.
• Great pics online of Lindsay Lohan with coke shoes!
• New Godzilla (American made) movie coming. In 3-D no doubt. Maybe they’ll bring Matthew Broderick back, but the goal is probably to make a good movie this time.

BitterNews for Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

• Amanda Conner is taking on the Black Cat after her Power Girl run wraps in just a few issues. Looks great!
• The new Jackass film will be in 3-D. Giant Steve-O balls in your face.
• EMI is now trying to license its catalog to third parties in the USA for a period of 4-5 years. Do I smell desperation? Yes. Yes, I do.
• The MGM bid deadline was extended, but still no news on a winner. It’s doubtful there is one as the owners value the company beyond its assessed price.
• Chris Evans is Cap! We’re happy.
• The Punisher book is now called Franken-Castle, proving that, in the 616 universe, there is no Galactus.
• Hot Toys is doing Cosbabies for Iron Man 2 – and charcters include Nick Fury and the Black Widow. Hopefully these two will make it to 1:6 scale as well. Today the company revealed it’s 1:6 Whiplash, so we’re hoping.


• Looks like Tom Hanks’ Playtone films will maker the Green Day American Idiot movie.
• Marvel is soliciting a ton of premier hardcovers this month, going so far as to reprint the controversial Rawhide Kid series by Ron Zimmerman. I’ll buy it, but who else will? Also, there’s only one Masterworks this month (Amazing Spidey) and a lone Essentials (Captain America #5, which gets into the Kirby return to Marvel).
• A wimpy kid kicked Gerard Butler’s ass this weekend.
• Ratt’s drummer, Bobby Blotzer, is publishing his autobiography the same day that Ratt releases a new album. A whole book about how you made a career of drumming on one half-assed hair metal hit? Sounds like a paragraph, not a book.
• Bitterest Geek of the Year Award: Yes, we realize it’s only March, but we highly doubt anyone will top this; Ree Yees, I mean Lady Gaga’s ex-Boyfriend / Producer is suing her for over $30 million. He claims this is to compensate for all the work he did with her in “grooming” her for stardom (personally, I think she should be groomed by another monkey – they can find the insects that live on her, and they eat them, so no chemicals!). We think that he is due something for the services provided but the first $30 million is for having to admit to the world that he fucked that hideous, untalented freak.
• DC direct has released their upcoming products list, and as usual, most of it elicits a humongous yawn. There are a couple of highlights; a Superman VS Muhammad Ali statue, an Adam Hughes Batgirl statue, and a 1:6 movie Jonah Hex that is limited to 1000 pcs, which shows that not only have they realized these fucking things don’t sell, but that the movie probably blows. The rest is the usual assortment of Blackest Night figures, World of Warcraft stuff, an Under The Red Hood tie-in “maquette”, Ani-Come figs, girly busts and boring Tim Bruckner sculpts.
• DC is reissuing the Neal Adams Superman/Ali book in hardcover in two versions – one of which is in the original printed dimensions – in our opinion, the only way to see it.
• The James Jean Fables cover collection is being reprinted.
• There’s a Scott Pilgrim trailer that will be online in the next week or so.
• Lego has revealed six figures from their replacement for the Bionicle line, Hero Factory. In addition, two vehicles were revealed.
• Desperation in Amazon land: Amazon is releasing a version of the Kindle software for the iTampon. Because that makes sense.
• Mattel Fuck-Up Of The Day: I suppose this is technically the “Mattel-related Fuck-Up of the Day” as Mattel didn’t actually initiate this, but it’s laughable that they accepted it. They’ve been awarded one of the World’s Most Ethical Companies. Tell that to anyone trying to order Moss Man last week. But don’t feel bad, NAMBLA was just outside the top ten.
• Check out ghostofellie.com, a blog that is supposedly exposing dirty-dealings in the Frazetta family that may leave Frank’s art in the hands of the wrong peole.
• If you hate music, MGMT’s new album is streaming in it’s entirety.
• Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead has a classical piece – surely now their fans will realize how badly they suck.
• Avi Arad is planning a 3-D Popeye movie – because kids love Popeye! Kids who died in the 50’s, that is.
• Don’t buy the new Complex, as all the pictures of Olivia Munn are visible online. You could buy it if you want to read the interview. I’m a laugh a minute over here.
• Marvel/Miracleman is coming back into print via Marvel who will be releasing a hardcover called Marvelman Classic Primer – which sounds like a corporate version of the Two Morrows book of a few years ago. At the moment it does not appear that Alan Moore is involved. Reports are also leaking that Mick Anglo strips (pre-dating the Moore revival by many years) are coming in July. Uneducated fanboys will be underwhelmed by these primitive Captain Marvel rip-offs.

BitterNews for Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Sorry kids, there wasn’t much happening the last three days. But here it is:

• The Grammy Awards were Sunday. Leon Russell looked unsure as to where he was. Lady Gaga is still hideous looking all the time despite number of costume changes. Would love to see her psychiatrist’s notes.
• The same idiots who were at the Grammys cut a new version of “We Are The World” on Monday. Lady Gaga, Kanye West and Usher are no match for Tina Turner, Bruce Springsteen and Michael Jackson. Or even Kim Carnes, Huey Lewis and Tito Jackson. Haiti says “no thanks” but Africa is wondering where their next check is coming from, because the last time I checked, they were still fucked and it IS their song. If I were Africa, I’d sue Haiti for royalties. And at least they cared enough about Africa to write a new song, not just covering an old tune. I guess the real reason these artists are doing this is because they want to be on a record that sells.
• Scorpions are breaking up, but not after releasing a final album and touring it worldwide for two years. They claim the breakup is because they don't want to be too old onstage. Apparently the telex with the news that they are too old got stuck in the paper feeder back in 1986.
• Conflicting News of the Day Pt 1: Steve Tyler is looking to block Aerosmith’s search for a new singer. Which is funny, because he audtioned to be the new Led Zeppelin vocalist. Pot, kettle. Kettle, pot.
• Conflicting News of the Day Pt 2: Obama is going to meet Dalai Lama (it rhymes!) and we should expect more terrorist attacks.
• Peter Murphy (ex-Bauhaus) and Brendan Perry (ex-Dead Can Dance) will tour together in the spring to prove that two washed up losers from bands no one ever REALLY liked can, as a pair, sell as few tickets as they would if they toured seperately.
• Rocket World toys are doing a Star Trek collab. Expect it at SDCC 2010.
• Did I mention the Hot Toys Blade 2 figure is out in HK? It is.
• Biff Bang Pow are doing Mego-style figures based on their licenses, including some new ones: Venture Brothers, Dexter, Lost, Big Lebowski, Twilight Zone, Flash Gordon and Scott Ian of Anthrax. Who cares anymore? Mattel is in the process of proving my theorem: NO ONE.
• Matty did some Q&A’s for Feb 1. What did we learn? That toy collectors ask stupid questions. Like this; “Do you have the Shazam license?.” I guess those Captain Marvel, Billy Marvel & Mary Marvel figures they did weren’t enough of an indicator for Mattel retards. Or how about this? Their customers are mad that they never got the JLU 4-packs that were rotting on the site since when? June? Even the normally unflappable Matty bared his fangs at that bullshit, saying that none of the JLU 4-packs sold at a level that met their modest sales thresholds and that fans shouldn’t be crying like little bitches if they didn’t buy shit that had been on sale forever.
• This looks like a L-I-T-E comic week, but it does have a new book drawn by Art Adams!
• There are six new Bowen items for sale, a Black Cat statue (because there aren’t enough Black Cat things to jerk off on (I mean admire)), a War Machine Armor statue, a Warriors Three 3-pack of busts, a Pyro bust, and two exclusives: a Faux Bronze Hawkete (who buys this faux metal shit?) and an Ion variant Wonder Man mini-bust.
• There are naked pictures of Snooki from Jersey Shore going around the internet. If I never post again, it’s because I saw them & gouged my eyes out. Don’t pity me, I’ll be in a better place.
• Planet Hulk DVD & Blu Ray came out today. Look for a review soon.
• Best Buy has an exclusive second disc in Zombieland – both formats.
• The next 3A release is WWRp Large Martin on 2/18 NZ time.
• Kevin Smith & Neil Gaiman had a twitter war today over Amanda Palmer. Personally I’d rather stick my dick in a meat grinder than in a phony german cabaret singer, but may the best man win.
• Academy Award noms announced today. The ten films in best picture category allowed in dark horses like District 9 and Avatar. If Avatar wins, we, as a race, deserve to be exterminated.
• MINDStyle has unveiled their second Black Hole vinyl figure, Maximilian.
• If Zac Efron ends up playing Spider-man, all those who wished Raimi away will be very sorry.
• Some nice pics and trailers from the Upcoming Losers film are floating around, including less revealing than I’d like naked Uhura pics.
• Rich Johnston (and his writers) still should not write about things he/they do not understand. Since last time, more about toys and a piece about Saturday Night Live. Hey Teabags, we don’t care about your BBC 99-part history of chain mail either!
• Avengers relaunch is in May by Bendis & John Romita, Jr.
• Amazon had a tough week, what with the iTampon announcement and now a fight/showdown that they made public and then caved on with MacMillan over e-book pricing. This skirmish leads us to think that Jobs has agreed to a $14.99 price point on bestsellers and that publishers are going to expect the same deal from Amazon now that there is serious competition for the market. And seriously, if you don’t already have a kindle, why would you buy one now?
• American Psycho is going to be a Broadway musical with songs by Duncan Sheik. What? No Huey Lewis??
• The Sgt Rock movie is now going to be a GI Joe movie as the story is updated to a “future” war according to Joel Silver. Did they see the Joe film? Does the name Sgt Rock mean anything in a futuristic setting? Isn’t WW2 the whole point? Oh sorry, I was using common sense. Apologies.
• Cowboys & Aliens rebounded quickly from the loss of Robert Downey, Jr with Daniel Craig and now Olivia Wilde.
• Kate Beckinsdale is returning to the Underworld franchise in Underworld 3-D.
• There’s a Young Justice League animated series in the works.
• There are new trailers online for Clash of the Titans and a redband one for Kickass. Clash is moved back to April 2 for 3-D work, and the next Harry Potter film will be in 3-D as well. Thanks, James Cameron.
• Look for the Smallville movie this Friday night with the Justice League.
• Oprah’s farewell shows will have their own behind-the-scenes TV series. Just go away, bitch.
• Jesse Malin has a new band called “St Marks Social”, recalling the glory days of Coney Island High.
• The doc that killed Michael Jackson is surrendering to authorities in LA next week, yet the guys that did that to his face roam free.
• Barry Blitzer (TV writer of the Flintstones, Get Smart) has died. I’m going to start using his name because it’s the BEST NAME EVER!! And he’s not using it.
• Rob Zombie’s “sequel” to Hellbilly Deluxe was released today. Let’s hope it’s better than his other sequels.
• A-ha are playing three US dates on their “Farewell” tour. Yes, they are still around.
• The Slightly Tepid Chili Peppers have a new guitarist.
• Their old guitarist, Dave Navarro, is going to be in a new porno based on the 60’s Batman TV show. It’s the only way he can get to bang chicks as leathery and spent as ex-wife Carmen Electra.
• Charlize Theron is single.
• Brittany Murphy’s deadbeat husband is launching a “charity” “foundation” in her name at an “event” that costs $1000 to attend.
• The My Bloody Valentine reissues are pushed back AGAIN. New date is March 8th, but let’s be honest, that won’t happen.
• Le Tigre have written songs for the next Christina Aguilera record, proving that everyone will whore themselves out if the right opportunity comes along.
• Johnny Depp has forgiven Roman Polanski and says the US should leave him alone because he’s nice now. Except that we’re not trying to bring him back to sentence him based on his character these days, we’re going to punish him for a crime he committed years ago, douchebag. Fucking actors. And directing a Keith Richards documentary isn’t going to make me think any better of you, Edward Scissorhands. How about you answer this?; if someone doped up your underage daughter and then ass-raped her, would you want them to face justice after thirty + years, or would you want them to go free because they’ve been married for a few years now? That’s what I thought, Jackass Sparrow.
• There is going to be a Milli Vanilli movie.
• That’s enough. Go watch LOST.