Showing posts with label Poor Hasbro. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poor Hasbro. Show all posts

Thursday, November 5, 2009

GI Joe: Rise Of Cobra Blu-Ray & GI Joe Resolute DVD Reviews



Against my better judgement, I bought this blu-ray (only $19.99 pre-order from Amazon) after thinking it was pretty limp in the theatres. Nursing a horriffic cold, I only managed to stay awake for about painful 20 minutes before dozing off, mercifully regaining conciousness as the credits rolled. Here are the original notes from my first (theatrical) viewing of the film:

Minuses:
* Fake snake
* Holograms have audible footsteps?
* Wayans awful
* Quaid awful
* Dialogue awful
* Acting awful
* Accelerator suit double awful
* Montage training = world police
* Turning invisible allows you to escape?
* How much did double bubble gum pay for product placement?
* Cobra G3 hummer? Weak.
* Cold breath in arctic is the weakest cgi I've seen outside of syfy
channel
* Cobra commanders mask falling off
* Oh wow! Everyone knows each other!
* Oh wow! Another flashback!
* Shock ending telegraphed so bad

Plus:
* Sienna Miller

It's hard to say this without breaking down into a giggle fit, but Stephen Sommers is no Michael Bay.

Prior to going comatose with the live action film, I watched the "adult" Joe cartoon, "Resolute" written by Warren Ellis, who is clearly not only a whore, but is also losing it. Nothing here that we haven't seen a million times before in the Joe comic book, and why is it "for adults"? Because they kill Bazooka and say "Hell"? An episode of Ben Ten has more drama than this.

A self-congratualtory "extra" featuring a bunch of in-house Hasbro hacks yakking about how ground-breaking this mess is only serves to illustrate how arrogant and out of touch the company is when it comes to their properties, a sin of pride that cause both this cartoon and the feature film to fail miserably.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

God Michael Bay is a retard


Saw the new Transformers film last night at a screening. I loved the first film. ILM delivers another brilliant production of 50ft robots pounding the crap out of each other. Beyond that, this sequel is a fucking train wreck that never had to be this way. But what Michael Bay giveth, he taketh away. This hack deserves every negative comment you've ever read about him or his lack of filmmaking skills.

What I learned about Michael Bay while watching TF2:

He loves, loves, LOVES jokes about the crotch, the testicals or a man's ass. And too much is never enough in this film. Yes, robots have BALLS! Big swinging, clanking balls. Let's all look up and snicker kids!

Any female in a background crowd shot or any extras casting must be hot as hell and no older than 23. No doubt each one hand picked by Bay himself in his trailer. Good to be the king on set.

Worrying about racial stereotypes in his films is for pansies. Wait until you see the Autobot twins Mupflap and Skids...both apparently straight outta Compton, Yo!

Apparently no one reminded him that this film sells a shit load of toys to very young kids. Screw that..."More sexual innuendo, foul language and dick jokes! I don't think we have enough yet!".

He loves the U.S. military. I doubt any footage shot of a soldier, plane or tank is on the cutting room floor.

He's a total douche.